I didn't win. Any of the movements. I feel like a failure. Why am I tell you this? Because I'm trying to make myself feel better. So many people younger than me do so much better. Why have I not been blessed or have the talent that they have? It hurts when you try and yet keep failing. Why do I keep trying? Is there a point where you should just give up?
This quote isn't perfectly applicable, but it helps me. It is from Henry B. Eyring. "The good works that really matter require the help of heaven And the help of heaven requires working past the point of fatigue so far that only the meek and lowly will keep going long enough." "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31).
So I keep going. I write this not to complain or to elicit sympathy but to tell you that I know God will bring me up again from the depth of the sea, like he did the Jaredites. He will make things right. He will bless me in other ways. I know this, which is why I keep wading through this. And if you are feeling like I am, know that we can make it through together. I know that in the grand scheme of things (or even in the short term) my journey with the flute really doesn't matter all that much. It isn't the most important thing in my life. David is and the family we will have together someday. It is my relationship with the Lord. And most importantly it is what I am learning through all of this. I know that what God is teaching me is invaluable and will undoubtedly help me help others who come across my path. I will become a valuable instrument in the Lords hands. That is why pain and hurt is worth it. Christ has suffered MY pains and sorrows, not just a collective suffering for the entire world.